what did I want to name this

driving down the bypass, or perhaps on my way to get the bike, i cannot remember. but it was good. i was thinking about how incongruent all this is, and whether perhaps i am trying too hard to make it all fit. is it possible for the heart to feel so much more than it is entitled to? It was bound to happen, but tonight just happened to be the time and place. the exact moment when… when you remembered why you had forgotten and when I remembered why I still remember. I don’t want to be dramatic, I just want you to know that I understand how fucked up this whole existence is. and how I’m never sure which one of us wins. and how I wish that the playing field was somehow more even (but would you have noticed me if it had been?). or perhaps that the playing field had just given you a chance to make something of yourself that didn’t have to be realized through the insecurity of someone else. through the insecurity that portrays itself as love, and you fall so quickly. and when you’re there you can’t quite figure out how you got there. all there is is this keyboard, and this space, and this lateness. it’s past three now, and this is the best time to feel alone.