asking

“I think we are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on our minds door at 4 AM of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends. We forget all too soon the things we thought we could never forget. We forget the loves and the betrayals alike, forget what we whispered and what we screamed, forget who we were.”

-Joan Didion

(will you forgive me for me? one day, maybe. because all I’m doing is trying to catch up to you and I feel like I am falling further and further behind. and sometimes I fall so slowly that it doesn’t feel like falling at all, but then when I juxtapose myself to you and I try to translate it all, the height from which I’m falling becomes so evident. and I don’t know what to do with it once I begin to feel the magnitude, I just let it envelop me for a single, perfect moment and then I try to forget. so maybe, you can forgive me for me? and if there was a taxicab, you know I’d let you take me away. but there isn’t and there won’t be for a while, and so let’s just let this be how it is.)